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The Curse of Unmanageability

"Your Life is Unmanageable," my Sponsor said to me. First, I ridiculed him. I asked, "managing 5 companies at the same time and you say my life is 'unmanageable'?" "My bank balance is handsome and you say my life is unmanageable?" "Are you out of your mind?" I asked.

Pity is my sponsor couldn't explain the 'unmanageability' in part two of the first step. He had simply taken it at face value and in my opinion, continued to happily indulge in his own unmanageability, blissfully unaware that this had little or nothing to do with his drinking.

Thanks to my utter failure to get answers on this crucial distinction of unmanageability, like everyone else, I went about doing what was told: Attend Meetings, Serve the fellowship, Read the Literature, and share my ESH while helping newcomers and reaching out to those who were still drinking themselves to death. Yet I slipped twice - after my 4th birthday and again after my 3rd birthday.

Obviously, I started losing faith in this much-touted AA programme that simply promoted 'follow me' and don't bother to ask any questions. Maybe it worked for those who were called 'low bottoms' but not for me, a 'high bottom'. Yet, I *knew* I had a drinking problem and nothing else I tried worked.

The raging fires of unmanageability - a term no one was able to explain to me - was consuming me despite my very best efforts "to follow the AA programme".

The Curse of Unmanageability was on me.

After a lot of study of all the literature, there was and searching the 100's of non-AA programmes I could access, I finally began to understand this curse of unmanageability. It had little or nothing to do with alcohol or its massive consumption I was addicted to. Instead, it was this unmanageability that drove me to alcohol, in search of a peace that always eluded me.

The bad news I found was that my unmanageability will never ever go away. I can only get a respite from it one day at a time, provided I trained myself in becoming aware of it through out the day (and night).

The good news is that I could learn to BE another way. By default. By practicing certain daily routines for long periods of time. In the SWS we call it the Golden Key and we have a prayer to help keep us aware.

Passion can be both a curse and a strength. The passion to change my life was crucial in this transformation. And it led to the 12 promises materialising in life.

@jsvasan

Comments

muralikrishna koduru's picture

Tfs Sir. God worked and created Gloden Key and the Power keeping me aware. I thank your sponsor also.

The 12 Step Workshop

The 12-Step Workshop - or SWS for short is the entry-level programme for people to work the 12-steps of AA. Coached by AAs, for AAs and of AAs, the SWS is a 3-day programme.

The PWS

The Promises Workshop, or PWS for short, is for people who've maintained long-term sobriety and have completed doing at least two SWSs. They need to have also actually worked all the 12 Steps in their entirety.

Train the Trainer

WSLB believes in the AA tradition of "give it away to keep it". Hence a Train the Trainer (T3WS) Course.